Sunday, March 29, 2009

Dear Mister

I came across this one at the Wedding Bee and I must admit the words struck me hard. My hubby to be has always been involved in the planning despite him being overseas.

However, there would be times when I felt like more of the burden was on me and I'd lash out on him. After reading this, I felt like the writer took the words out of my mouth. I'm sure a lot of brides out there feel the same way.
My Dearest Mister:

I know that the all-wedding, all-the-time mode that I seem to be on is tiring for you, especially because I know that you’d be perfectly happy with a quick courthouse wedding and a nice dinner out.

I also know that part of the reason that my obsessing drives you nuts is that, it seems to you, it just leads to me stressing out. You hate to see me stressed out, you sweet man, and sometimes you think that I work myself into a tizzy over things that don’t matter. Fair point.

Here’s the thing: the most important thing to me is that I get to marry you, but only slightly less important is the idea of celebrating that milestone with our people. Since that leaves eloping out, we have a minimum of stuff to get through in order to make a wedding happen, and I need us to do it together.

Because I can’t do it all alone, because I don’t want to do it all alone, because I want to be doing this with you. You’re my favorite guy, and this thing is all about us. It’s exciting to me, and I want to share exciting things with you!

So, with your agreement, I propose a new way of working together. I think we can agree that I care more about the details than you do and that I am more specific about what I like and don’t like, so for that reason, I will do the legwork.

I will find the inspiration photos, narrow them down to the ones I like, and present them to you, because not only do I want to plan our wedding together, I want you to be involved, and that means discussion.

I know that you may not have a preference, but I’d like you to consider the options and come up with one, then tell me why. That’s what I like - the discussion. The dreaming. The planning of the future together.

In exchange, I’ll stop griping about how I have to do a thousand things and you only have to do ten. I’ll choose a regular date and time for us to talk about our wedding, and I’ll keep my wedding-related thoughts outside of that time to a minimum.

I’ll get my act together and under control so that I don’t feel like all thousand of the things I have to do need to be done now. They don’t. (But if I say they do, you will trust me that they do and then do them).

Of the two of us, I will be the planner but I will remember that you are the doer and I’ll follow your lead there. I’ll remember that you’d much rather get things done than talk about them, so we’ll come up with things to accomplish in addition to things to plan, each week.

Forgive me if I get all “work-y” on you, by the way. In the end, I know that you just don’t want me to be unhappy, and the best way I know to be comfortable with details is to handle them with all of the professionalism I’d throw at them at work. Except with the happy benefit that we can drink wine while meeting… and maybe even make out a little.

This is going to be fun! (and if not fun, then at least productive)…

Lovingly yours,

I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-


Anonymous said...

wonder what your h2b thinks... hang in there, sis. it'll all be worth it.

maan said...

hi sis ni. :) actually he got a bit senti as well. (although he wont dare admit that to the whole world. hahaha.) thanks. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi maan!

Thanks for sharing this...lahat nga siguro ng brides dumadaan dito. My h2b and I almost had an argument when he said "Matagal pa naman e" when I asked him to finalize his ento list kasi paiba-iba. I told him the reason why we're planning this early is because of our work schedule (primarily HIS work schedule which becomes really hectic from November until February). This is why I want all the deatils finalized before then kasi siguradong wala na syang time and I don't think I can handle all the planning all by myself.
As Tani said, let's hang in there sis. The guys are just a little overwhelmed. :)

maan said...

hi sis Hazel. this is precisely why I am super thankful to be a w@wie, kasi 24/7 we have a support group of brides who know exactly what we feel.

at least when we're frustrated with our hubbies-to-be or our families or our friends, na parang di nila nagegets yung nararamdaman natin, we have a whole group of people to back us up and never fails to calm our fears and chase our frustrations away.

thanks you guys. :)