Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I cried. (repost from 12/11/2008)

I cried. I don't like crying, at least not in front of people I barely know. Work is work. I choose not to mix emotions with my job. I felt embarrassed that I was not able to contain myself. But I just got so fed up with everything that has happened.

I love my job. I like what I do. I like the people that I work with. I go to work on time, I extend my hours if needed, I do everything asked of me. I am not the most perfect employee, but I really do try my hardest to hit whatever we are asked to hit. Employment status is not a small issue, whether it is just a computer glitch or human error. Being marked as termed is bad enough, what frustrates me is how HR dealt with it, or should I say how they did NOT deal with it.

I first encountered a snag when we were supposed to take the security test and people from US could not seem to find my name or even my email address on the list of employees. I was requested to contact our local HR. My immediate supervisor emailed them, she asked me to email them a couple of days later to follow up, which I did. That was three weeks ago. I did not even receive a single reply. How hard can it be to say: "We're working on it. We'll get back to you by blah blah blah." ? That's basic decency.

Weeks later, we were asked to do a self evaluation. Again, my employee ID was not accepted. The reason? According to US, that employee id number, the same number that I have on my supposedly valid company ID, is marked as termed. Again, I was advised to contact local HR, which we did. They replied, stating that they will be looking into it, which they should have been doing THREE WEEKS AGO.

In the first place, I don't understand how I could be marked as termed. We're not even a company of thousands of employees. Yes, people do make mistakes. Yes, it could be possible that it was a computer glitch. But my point is, why are they treating this lightly? Like something they could just deal with after the holidays? For a company that makes money out of background checks, they should have known how important employment records are.

Yes, everybody knows that I am part of the company. Yes, I have received every single pay. But that's not the point. This is my employment record. We're dealing with legal documents here. If let's say I apply for a loan and the bank conducts a background investigation on me, there could be a possibility that my records would not be in the system or worse, my records would show that I was no longer part of the company! Is that what you don't call a big deal?

The other night when my leave conversion did not come in on time, I was beyond upset. I cried my heart out, not because of the money, but because of the way things have been happening the past couple of months. Yes, it could have been because of the bank, and yes, it did arrive around 3am, but still, when you're marked as termed and you're supposedly leave conversion did not come in, what was I supposed to think?

It was never about the money. My work has never been about the money. If it was, I would have left Manila a long time ago. I am here because I like what I do and I choose to do it. I do feel a bit offended with how they treat us. They should have realized that this was a big deal and it's not something you get back to as an afterthought.

I cried, and to be honest, I felt a bit embarrassed. I should have maintained professionalism. I should have sucked it in and spoke without revealing my true emotions. But I was just so disappointed and fed up already. It's tough enough to get motivated when you're dealing with a hard client who has impossible demands, what more when you dont even get the treatment that you deserve.

I just feel blessed to have C as my team lead. If not for her, I don't know how I could have kept calm for so long. I remember I was all set to walk out that night. I called James, crying incessantly, telling him I dont wanna stay anymore. But he convinced me to go inside and deal with it like an adult.

My eyes were red but I was fairly okay. And then I saw C and emotions just got the better of me. She's just so nice to us and I just really felt guilty about complaining. But at the same time, I'm just so disappointed with how everything was dealt with. It was not her fault and I felt bad that she was at the receiving end of my pent up frustrations with HR.

I have a couple of days to relax, to get my act together. Monday morning, I will be back to work with my game face on. No more tears, no more crying. But I will not take the issue with my employment status sitting down. They will hear from me, just without the tears and snuffles.

I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

Friday, December 12, 2008

missing Batch 1 and 2

I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

Monday, December 8, 2008

one week

I got a text from a friend saying: "one week nalang birthday mo na!". That hit me like a ton of bricks. He was right, barely a week to go and I am turning a year older. How time flies. Around this time last year my whole thought process was about closing the doors but leaving a window out open. This time, I think I am just about ready to close that window.

I have never really been one to walk away and cut off all ties. I have always held on to this tiny bit of hope that someday those burned bridges would be built back. To be honest I was more scared than hopeful. Scared to let go of what was familiar and what felt good. I stubbornly held on to the belief that once a person enters your life, they will always be there. Doesn't matter if they walked away or chose to go through a different process.

But for the past few weeks I have had recurring thoughts about finally closing all the doors and windows and turning my back on everything that I had held on to. I think I have come to realize that some people are just meant to walk in and then walk right back out. As much as I would want to fantasize about things or should I say people staying the way I have come to know them, I think this time I am ready to face reality that life is not like that. People change. Things change. And some, you just cannot take back.

I am on the verge of a huge step. Funny, but I have just realized exactly how huge the step I am trying to take is. And if I choose to really go through with this, which I fully intend to do, I need to let some baggages go. I need to turn my back to the past and start moving forward. I am scared as hell but just the possiblity of what the future has for me, for us, makes the letting go part easier.

It does hurt to let go of people you've come to treat as your family, people who at one point occupied every single moment of your life. But I feel in my gut that I just have to do this. *sigh.*

I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

Sunday, December 7, 2008

HK-Macau '08

We've been back for almost a week now and I have not found the time to blog about our trip or post our pics. My days have been filled with meetings and oculars that I have yet to find time to finish reading my 1,000 plus email messages. Eeek! Anyhoo, I managed to snatch a couple of hours today, so this entry would probably be super loooong. ahahahaha.

First off, our HK-Macau trip was a blast. It was super fun, though really tiring. We have loads of pictures and I dont think I have the energy to give a blow by blow account anymore, so I'm just gonna let the pictures speak for themselves. (tamad eh no. wehehehe) Though I was basically freezing cold, even with all my layers, I really had fun. I even mentioned to James that HongKong or Macau could be one of our honeymoon options. His answer? We'll see. =)

Speaking of James. I should have known. When will I ever learn? ahahahaha. He was supposed to come home December 1. I got a call from him November 30, we were still in Hong Kong that time. He was asking where we parked our other car and where my tito's house where we parked it was located. I asked him why he was asking these questions and he fessed up that he was already in Manila and that he was planning to get the car and drive to the airport just in time for our flight. I was literally crossing a busy HK street when he said that and I nearly got ran over! ahahahaha. Typical James. Just another reason why I love him. =)

Whew. I changed my mind. I do want to list the things that I loved about the trip (hahaha):

1. Macau
- I soooo loved Macau. Every place we went to was just magical. And the weather? Fabulous! =) Venetian was a dream. Language was a huge barrier, though. And the people were not really that warm, unlike Filipinos. But generally Macau was absolutely super duper great. I wish I could come back next year for the Grand Prix. =)

inside the Venetian Hotel

feeling nasa Europe. wehehe.

ruins of St. Paul

malamig eh. bakit ba? ahahahaha.

2. HK Disneyland
- To be perfectly honest, I think I enjoyed HK Disneyland more than the one in California. I dont know, maybe because it wasn't really filled to the brim with people or maybe because it feels more like home with all the Filipino employees roaming around, always willing to lend a hand. At the end of the day, I was bursting with Filipino pride. The Pinoys there are super talented. My favorite? The all Pinoy marching band. Galing! =)

haba ng pila kay Mickey eh. hehehe.

parang Disney California din..

Golden Mickeys (definitely a must see..)

Snow White's castle at night

pinoys @ HK Disney (may panget na kasama. ahahaha.)

3. The Panorama Hotel
- Rooms were a bit of a squeeze, which was typical of Hong Kong, but the staff were so warm and efficient. They greet you with "Magandang Gabi" or "Salamat" and they're not even Filipinos. When we shopped, we had our stuff delivered to the hotel so we wouldn't have to lug them around. When we came back, we had a message on our TV screen reminding us of our packages. Cool!

There were also about 5 Filipinos working there and they did help us a lot with directions. Though we got lost on our way there, (the hotel is fairly new so the cabbies were not really that familiar with it..), when we finally got to the hotel, there were three bellhops who opened the doors and carried our luggage. They even checked if we left something inside the cab, which was a good thing, cause I almost left lappie behind with my frustration with the cab driver. whew.

na-amaze ako, promise. hehehehe.

bill namin, nakikita din sa TV. hehehe.

4. Trendyland
- Prices for Disney stuff in Disneyland were through the roof! My kuripot ways really could not take spending HK$40 for a small keychain. Good thing I was able to get a tip from pexers that I could buy Disney stuff at half the price in Trendyland. weeee. =) I loved it and it was right near our hotel. =) I snatched up some chopsticks for Tin and a Winnie the Pooh bookmark for Chot and a couple more stuff for my inaanaks, and syempre for me. wehehehehe. =)

Whew. The trip was a whirl, but definitely worth it. Relaxing? Umm, not really. Fun? Most definitely! =) Can't wait to go back. Hopefully with James naman next time. *crossing fingers* hehehehe.

more pics:

terorista sa Macau

at may kasabwat pa.

nagpipicture na nga, pinicturan parin sarili. vain! tsk tsk. panget naman. hahahaha.

feel at home? bahay mo? wahahahaha. =)

pulubi sa Disney. hehehe.

at least nakatingin naman kahit pano..

pamilyang pakyut. ahahaahahaha..=)

I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-