and when I dream: I cried. (repost from 12/11/2008)

I cried. I don't like crying, at least not in front of people I barely know. Work is work. I choose not to mix emotions with my job. I felt embarrassed that I was not able to contain myself. But I just got so fed up with everything that has happened.

I love my job. I like what I do. I like the people that I work with. I go to work on time, I extend my hours if needed, I do everything asked of me. I am not the most perfect employee, but I really do try my hardest to hit whatever we are asked to hit. Employment status is not a small issue, whether it is just a computer glitch or human error. Being marked as termed is bad enough, what frustrates me is how HR dealt with it, or should I say how they did NOT deal with it.

I first encountered a snag when we were supposed to take the security test and people from US could not seem to find my name or even my email address on the list of employees. I was requested to contact our local HR. My immediate supervisor emailed them, she asked me to email them a couple of days later to follow up, which I did. That was three weeks ago. I did not even receive a single reply. How hard can it be to say: "We're working on it. We'll get back to you by blah blah blah." ? That's basic decency.

Weeks later, we were asked to do a self evaluation. Again, my employee ID was not accepted. The reason? According to US, that employee id number, the same number that I have on my supposedly valid company ID, is marked as termed. Again, I was advised to contact local HR, which we did. They replied, stating that they will be looking into it, which they should have been doing THREE WEEKS AGO.

In the first place, I don't understand how I could be marked as termed. We're not even a company of thousands of employees. Yes, people do make mistakes. Yes, it could be possible that it was a computer glitch. But my point is, why are they treating this lightly? Like something they could just deal with after the holidays? For a company that makes money out of background checks, they should have known how important employment records are.

Yes, everybody knows that I am part of the company. Yes, I have received every single pay. But that's not the point. This is my employment record. We're dealing with legal documents here. If let's say I apply for a loan and the bank conducts a background investigation on me, there could be a possibility that my records would not be in the system or worse, my records would show that I was no longer part of the company! Is that what you don't call a big deal?

The other night when my leave conversion did not come in on time, I was beyond upset. I cried my heart out, not because of the money, but because of the way things have been happening the past couple of months. Yes, it could have been because of the bank, and yes, it did arrive around 3am, but still, when you're marked as termed and you're supposedly leave conversion did not come in, what was I supposed to think?

It was never about the money. My work has never been about the money. If it was, I would have left Manila a long time ago. I am here because I like what I do and I choose to do it. I do feel a bit offended with how they treat us. They should have realized that this was a big deal and it's not something you get back to as an afterthought.

I cried, and to be honest, I felt a bit embarrassed. I should have maintained professionalism. I should have sucked it in and spoke without revealing my true emotions. But I was just so disappointed and fed up already. It's tough enough to get motivated when you're dealing with a hard client who has impossible demands, what more when you dont even get the treatment that you deserve.

I just feel blessed to have C as my team lead. If not for her, I don't know how I could have kept calm for so long. I remember I was all set to walk out that night. I called James, crying incessantly, telling him I dont wanna stay anymore. But he convinced me to go inside and deal with it like an adult.

My eyes were red but I was fairly okay. And then I saw C and emotions just got the better of me. She's just so nice to us and I just really felt guilty about complaining. But at the same time, I'm just so disappointed with how everything was dealt with. It was not her fault and I felt bad that she was at the receiving end of my pent up frustrations with HR.

I have a couple of days to relax, to get my act together. Monday morning, I will be back to work with my game face on. No more tears, no more crying. But I will not take the issue with my employment status sitting down. They will hear from me, just without the tears and snuffles.