and when I dream: one week

Monday, December 8, 2008

one week

I got a text from a friend saying: "one week nalang birthday mo na!". That hit me like a ton of bricks. He was right, barely a week to go and I am turning a year older. How time flies. Around this time last year my whole thought process was about closing the doors but leaving a window out open. This time, I think I am just about ready to close that window.

I have never really been one to walk away and cut off all ties. I have always held on to this tiny bit of hope that someday those burned bridges would be built back. To be honest I was more scared than hopeful. Scared to let go of what was familiar and what felt good. I stubbornly held on to the belief that once a person enters your life, they will always be there. Doesn't matter if they walked away or chose to go through a different process.

But for the past few weeks I have had recurring thoughts about finally closing all the doors and windows and turning my back on everything that I had held on to. I think I have come to realize that some people are just meant to walk in and then walk right back out. As much as I would want to fantasize about things or should I say people staying the way I have come to know them, I think this time I am ready to face reality that life is not like that. People change. Things change. And some, you just cannot take back.

I am on the verge of a huge step. Funny, but I have just realized exactly how huge the step I am trying to take is. And if I choose to really go through with this, which I fully intend to do, I need to let some baggages go. I need to turn my back to the past and start moving forward. I am scared as hell but just the possiblity of what the future has for me, for us, makes the letting go part easier.

It does hurt to let go of people you've come to treat as your family, people who at one point occupied every single moment of your life. But I feel in my gut that I just have to do this. *sigh.*