wise words from Kahlil Gibran

one of my most favorite love verses ever:

...Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

what is love?

"Captain Corelli's Mandolin"

by Louis de Bernieres

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it isinconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground,and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

sentimental moments

got this from Wedding Bee and it just got me a tad bit sentimental. *sigh*

--

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way.

All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, "When we're married", and continued with "I will" and "you will" and "we will" – all those late night talks that included "someday" and "somehow" and "maybe" – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, "You know all those things that we've promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word."Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years.

Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today you shall say to the world –This is my husband. This is my wife.

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

Perfection (repost)

note:

I wrote this one almost four years back. This was my first ever blog entry. It's amazing how far we have come yet until now I still feel the same way as I did four years ago. *sigh*

--
Perfection
05-01-2005

Its amazing how one could just stand in one corner, sweating under the heat of the summer sun, doing nothing, and just meet the love of your life. Romantic huh?! To many it would seem like its straight out of an old romantic movie. Well guess what? Its not. I was that girl standing in the heat of the sun. I was sweating like crazy. (Wearing black on a hot summer day didn’t help my case. Haha.Ü ) I was waiting for a friend. It started out as a normal day, but it ended up changing my life, forever. I met him. Yup, HIM.

Well, I didn’t exactly “meet” him. He just passed by me. He looked at me just as I looked at him. It would sound cheesy, but at that moment, I really did feel like I knew him. It turned out, I did. In fact, I knew him for months, we just never got the chance to meet in person. And the rest, as they say, is history. It has been almost three years since that day and my life has never been the same.

How I wish I could just sit here and write about the absolutely perfect lives we’ve had together since that day. But I cant. For the simple reason that it’s not perfect and it will never be. As a little girl, I prayed so hard for a prince charming on a white horse to come and sweep me off my feet. Then we would live happily ever after. He would give me bouquets of red roses every single day and he would grant my every desire. We would never fight and he would always be considerate of my feelings, just like I would be with his. It turned out that it was just that… a dream.

My life right now is far from being perfect, but recently I realized one thing, despite the imperfection, I am happy. Why?

Because I have somebody who knows that I like to sip my drinks with a straw…

somebody who takes the time to buy greeting cards for me just because he wants to…

somebody who knows I prefer water and juice over softdrinks…

somebody who travels for over an hour just to fetch me…

somebody who runs after me just because he thought the guy behind me is creepy…

somebody who talked to my friends and arranged it so that when I get to school, I would receive roses on valentine’s day…

somebody who taught me how to eat ampalaya and okra…

somebody who stands up for what he believes in and doesn’t just say yes to whatever I say…

and many many more.

But just like any other couple, we have our bad days. And when we do have them, it would turn out really bad. Expect that there would be buckets of tears and crumpled tissues all around. There would also be a string of harsh words that would be belted out. In fact it has been so bad, that almost every time, I would bring up the idea of cutting our ties permanently. Yup you got that right. It’s me who did most of the giving up. But I’m lucky, coz I have somebody who never allowed me to give up. I may not have a prince with a huge castle and a shiny gold crown…

I may not get flowers every single day… but I have somebody who never gives up… somebody who despite the hurt and the pain held my hand tightly and never allowed me to go… and that for me is enough… more than enough.

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

missing him more and more..

got this message from James. made me miss him even more.

i know you also got this email.

i only want you to know that i loved the message here

and i do feel the same like the old man does.

i love you hon.

How to Dance in the Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30 , when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.


I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.


While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said:
'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought:
That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

--

I love you hon. I miss you every single day.


--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

giving it up to get it back

While randomly reading posts on the Wedding Bee, I came across one about "giving it up to get it back.." here's the part that got to me:

" Except, of course, that — leaving aside the details and nuances — I think that's why we didn't last. I wasn't willing to give any of "me" up in exchange for "us." Here's my theory: you have to be willing to give up some of "you" (actually, the thing about you that you most tightly grasp) in order for a relationship to work. "

Being an only child, I was brought up to be strongly independent. As much as possible, I do things on my own and I avoid asking people for help or for favors. I like the fact that I don't really depend on anybody but myself. Then came James.

We met when I was just about to go to college. I was a brat (still am, hahaha.) and when we first got together I had all these rules that he had to strictly follow. One, I pay for my own fare. Two, I pay for my own meals. Three, I don't like the idea of him escorting me back home everytime we'd go out. I would make him leave me at the terminal insisting that I can go home on my own. All that and more.

I remember my dad asked me about it and kept on rambling about how the guy was supposed to do that, how it was the norm, how it was a guy's way to show his respect, yadah yadah yadah. I only had one answer for him: "Marunong ako umuwi mag-isa. Di ko kailangan ng taga hatid. " or I'd say: "May pera naman ako, di ko kailangan magpalibre." I was that proud. Blame it to my stubborn youth.

I did notice a bit of hurt in James' eyes everytime I'd insist on my rules. I knew he wanted to take care of me, but I did not allow him to. Maybe I was afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to trust, afraid to let go. Back then I didn't realize that it wasn't a matter of who's paying for who or who's fetching who. It was a practice of compromise. It was a matter of "giving up a part of me in exchange for us."

Now I realize that I insisted on those rules not because I was this independent, modern girl, but because I was just scared to be transparent. I was too scared to trust. It took me months to finally be able to give up control and that's when I realized that this was way deeper than a childhood crush or a puppy love. It was more than a fling or a normally shortlived first love. This was a guy that I could trust my life with. With him I felt safe and that nobody can ever harm me.

Two years back when we were taking a break from us, I asked him: " are you angry with him?" (him, referring to you all know who). Without blinking, he said "yes." I said: "why?", expecting that he'd say because he took you away from me or something like that. But he said: "sinaktan ka kasi niya at nakikita ko ngayon kung gano ka nahihirapan. galit ako kasi nasasaktan ka." yes, that's how he takes care of me...

...and that's exactly what I got in exchange for "giving up" a part of me.

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

DIY: scrapblogging

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

giving it up to get it back

While randomly reading posts on the Wedding Bee, I came across one about "giving it up to get it back.." here's the part that got to me:

" Except, of course, that — leaving aside the details and nuances — I think that's why we didn't last. I wasn't willing to give any of "me" up in exchange for "us." Here's my theory: you have to be willing to give up some of "you" (actually, the thing about you that you most tightly grasp) in order for a relationship to work. "

Being an only child, I was brought up to be strongly independent. As much as possible, I do things on my own and I avoid asking people for help or for favors. I like the fact that I don't really depend on anybody but myself. Then came James.

We met when I was just about to go to college. I was a brat (still am, hahaha.) and when we first got together I had all these rules that he had to strictly follow. One, I pay for my own fare. Two, I pay for my own meals. Three, I don't like the idea of him escorting me back home everytime we'd go out. I would make him leave me at the terminal insisting that I can go home on my own. All that and more.

I remember my dad asked me about it and kept on rambling about how the guy was supposed to do that, how it was the norm, how it was a guy's way to show his respect, yadah yadah yadah. I only had one answer for him: "Marunong ako umuwi mag-isa. Di ko kailangan ng taga hatid. " or I'd say: "May pera naman ako, di ko kailangan magpalibre." I was that proud. Blame it to my stubborn youth.

I did notice a bit of hurt in James' eyes everytime I'd insist on my rules. I knew he wanted to take care of me, but I did not allow him to. Maybe I was afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to trust, afraid to let go. Back then I didn't realize that it wasn't a matter of who's paying for who or who's fetching who. It was a practice of compromise. It was a matter of "giving up a part of me in exchange for us."

Now I realize that I insisted on those rules not because I was this independent, modern girl, but because I was just scared to be transparent. I was too scared to trust. It took me months to finally be able to give up control and that's when I realized that this was way deeper than a childhood crush or a puppy love. It was more than a fling or a normally shortlived first love. This was a guy that I could trust my life with. With him I felt safe and that nobody can ever harm me.

Two years back when we were taking a break from us, I asked him: " are you angry with him?" (him, referring to you all know who). Without blinking, he said "yes." I said: "why?", expecting that he'd say because he took you away from me or something like that. But he said: "sinaktan ka kasi niya at nakikita ko ngayon kung gano ka nahihirapan. galit ako kasi nasasaktan ka." yes, that's how he takes care of me.

...and that's exactly what I got in exchange for "giving up" a part of me.

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

never letting go..

I Will Love You

As long as I can dream,

As long as I can think,

As long as I have a memory..

I will love you.

As long as I have eyes to see

and ears to hear

and lips to speak..

I will love you.

As long as I have a heart to feel,

a soul stirring within me,

an imagination to hold you..

I will love you.

As long as there is time,

as long as there is love,

as long as there is you,

and as long as I have a breath to speak your name..

I will love you.

because I love you more

than anything in all the world...

Take A Bow with a Twist (by HappySlip)

James sent me this video from HappySlip and I love, love, looooove it. Got a bit teary eyed with the words she used in her Take A Bow Version:

You stand before me right now
Telling me all your vows
In front of God and our friends
I'll stay with you til the end
I pledge my life

After all that I put you through
You have shown your love that is true

And this is what I know
You are not self seeking
It's your humble heart
That always thinks of others
You are worth the wait
Noble man of honor
I stand before you now
and I accept your vows

For better, for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness, and in health
oh I am yours

I stand before you now
and I accept your vows

And then just when I was about to close the window, I saw that James made a comment (he's F5inc) on the site. Here's what he said:

F5Inc (1 hour ago)

this is really good. if there's only a way i could make it a song in my coming wedding when making the vows, i'd do it. thanks for the song.

awww. so sweet. =)

what is marriage?

Saw this passage from one of the sites James sent me when we were trying to choose the readings for our wedding. There were a lot of traditional and non-traditional passages on that site, and since that day we were solely focused on choosing the readings for the mass, this had not caught my eye until just about now. Hit me right there. Whew. Tears yet again.

What is Marriage?

(Anonymous)

Marriage is more than the exchange of rings

and the sharing of a household;

It is much more than just living together.

It is the desire to truly want to know

and understand another human being;

to feel and share in that person'shappiness,

as well as their pain.

Marriage is to never feel alone;

but rather, to know that you alwayshave a friend;

a partner in life thatyou can laugh and cry with.

To know that you always have that special someone

to share your innermost thoughts and fears,

and know that you will be heard.

Marriage is helping your partner to be

the absolute best that they can be,

while still being able to experience your own need and goals.

Marriage is love;

true love that goes far beyond passion;

It is a love that you can reach for in times of crisis as well as joy,

and know it will be there to comfort and to share.

believing in forever

I always thought, one day, I would outgrow my relationship with him. I never thought it could grow and mature. I thought it would be just an adolescent memory I'd look back on, like a crush on the captain of the football team.

But I realized we have more than that. Much much more. We have a history, a friendship. We listen to each other, we laugh together, we finish each other's lyrics. We dance, we sing, we dream, run around like kids, exchange endless stories from the most embarassing to the one secret you wouldn't even dare tell anybody else.

I don't have to pretend with him and he doesn't have to pretend with me. My feelings have never been more clear, and I now know they will never go away.

We've had our share of fights, of tears, of disagreements. We've broken up several times and have both sworn never to come back.

But I guess when you've found somebody who accepts you for who you are, somebody who knows the worst thing about you and yet chooses to stay, somebody who doesn't give up just because things got complicated, it wouldnt matter how many tears have rolled down your cheeks or how many times you've cried yourself to sleep.

What matters is that you have this person who makes everything worth it, every challenge, every risk. Somebody who, for the first time ever in your life, made you think: "Maybe forever isn't just a dream after all.."

what ifs

Writing about regrets yesterday made me think. Do you have a what if person? You know, that certain someone that you think about from time to time and wonder what could have happened if the two of you got together or if you fought for each other?

A close friend told me that a lot of people have what if persons. He said this was because a lot of us are, more often than not, too scared to be vulnerable or too frightened to take that first step knowing that there's no turning back.

What is it about taking the plunge that scares us half to death? Is it our pride? Are we naturally afraid to show vulnerability to another person? Is it because we're stepping out of the box and we're scared of the possibility that we might not like what's outside? Or is it because we were brought up to believe that it's selfish to think about our own happiness?

A lot of people have been saying you should follow your own heart, yada yada yada. But you know what? Truth is, it's never really that easy. Life has a lot of gray areas. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own happiness for the benefit of everybody else around you, sometimes you just have to turn away from that certain something or that certain someone that makes your heart skip a beat and sometimes you have no choice but to walk away and to never look back.

That's the reality of life, I guess. Sad, but definitely true. And when that happens, all that we have left are our what ifs.

*sigh*

regrets

From eating that last piece of chocolate mousse to loving someone who we probably should'nt have, or not telling somebody how we really feel because we were too scared, we've been there. We've all been there.

They say regret is not really about what you did but what you didn't do. It's about the what ifs and the what could have beens. I was never a risk-taker. I played safe. I stayed in my comfort zone for years. But last year, I took the plunge. For the very first time, I took a risk. To some people, it was a huge mistake. But to me, it was a risk worth taking.

It did not end well, obviously. No happily ever afters. But the mere fact that I decided to take that risk is something that I will never regret. Loving a person can never be a mistake. Well, yeah, maybe there were a few things I could have done differently, but one thing I would never change is the fact that I loved and I will always love.

I've lost four people last year, both literally and figuratively. Four people that will always, always be a part of me. These losses made me realize that life really is too short, too short for even a single what if or a what could have been.

i believe.

kismet. fate. destiny. serendipity.

At this day and age where pseudo relationships are the norm and that cyberdating and eyeballs are practically a coming-of-age ritual, are there still people out there who believe in fate? Are there still people who believe that there is this one person who was born for them and that all roads, with all its twists and turns, will eventually lead to that person?

I’ve met a lot of cynics. People who choose to believe that love is nothing but a sappy word. People who do not believe that true love still exists. People who have been hurt so badly that they choose to run away and build this huge wall around them. Are they right? Is true love really nothing but a romantic novel or a mere romantic-comedy with Julia Roberts or Drew Barrymore in it? At this day and age are there still happily-ever-afters?

I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I have just suffered through my first ever heartbreak and there are days when I would start believing that it would probably be easier if I close myself to the world and just lock my heart and throw away the key. But every single time I remember how great it felt to love and to be loved, those thoughts slowly melt away.

Yes, I’ve been hurt. Badly if I might add. But for some bizaare reason I still believe in happy endings. Call me a silly dreamer, but in this crazy, cynic world, I’d like to think that dreams still do come true.