missing him more and more..

got this message from James. made me miss him even more.

i know you also got this email.

i only want you to know that i loved the message here

and i do feel the same like the old man does.

i love you hon.

How to Dance in the Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30 , when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.


I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.


While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said:
'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought:
That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

--

I love you hon. I miss you every single day.


--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

all that glitters

source: Project Wedding

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

dress diaries: Manuel Mota for Pronovias

source: InStyle

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

flowers for the guys

source: Project Wedding

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

aww..

isn't she just the cutest ever? :)

source: Project Wedding

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

for the not so traditional bride

I can't exactly pinpoint what drew me to this dress, maybe the colors or the sheer fantasy of wearing wings. :) oh well, maybe in another lifetime. :)

source: project wedding

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

sweet nothings II

source: The Knot

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

giving it up to get it back

While randomly reading posts on the Wedding Bee, I came across one about "giving it up to get it back.." here's the part that got to me:

" Except, of course, that — leaving aside the details and nuances — I think that's why we didn't last. I wasn't willing to give any of "me" up in exchange for "us." Here's my theory: you have to be willing to give up some of "you" (actually, the thing about you that you most tightly grasp) in order for a relationship to work. "

Being an only child, I was brought up to be strongly independent. As much as possible, I do things on my own and I avoid asking people for help or for favors. I like the fact that I don't really depend on anybody but myself. Then came James.

We met when I was just about to go to college. I was a brat (still am, hahaha.) and when we first got together I had all these rules that he had to strictly follow. One, I pay for my own fare. Two, I pay for my own meals. Three, I don't like the idea of him escorting me back home everytime we'd go out. I would make him leave me at the terminal insisting that I can go home on my own. All that and more.

I remember my dad asked me about it and kept on rambling about how the guy was supposed to do that, how it was the norm, how it was a guy's way to show his respect, yadah yadah yadah. I only had one answer for him: "Marunong ako umuwi mag-isa. Di ko kailangan ng taga hatid. " or I'd say: "May pera naman ako, di ko kailangan magpalibre." I was that proud. Blame it to my stubborn youth.

I did notice a bit of hurt in James' eyes everytime I'd insist on my rules. I knew he wanted to take care of me, but I did not allow him to. Maybe I was afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to trust, afraid to let go. Back then I didn't realize that it wasn't a matter of who's paying for who or who's fetching who. It was a practice of compromise. It was a matter of "giving up a part of me in exchange for us."

Now I realize that I insisted on those rules not because I was this independent, modern girl, but because I was just scared to be transparent. I was too scared to trust. It took me months to finally be able to give up control and that's when I realized that this was way deeper than a childhood crush or a puppy love. It was more than a fling or a normally shortlived first love. This was a guy that I could trust my life with. With him I felt safe and that nobody can ever harm me.

Two years back when we were taking a break from us, I asked him: " are you angry with him?" (him, referring to you all know who). Without blinking, he said "yes." I said: "why?", expecting that he'd say because he took you away from me or something like that. But he said: "sinaktan ka kasi niya at nakikita ko ngayon kung gano ka nahihirapan. galit ako kasi nasasaktan ka." yes, that's how he takes care of me...

...and that's exactly what I got in exchange for "giving up" a part of me.

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

it's all about the hair

loving these hairstyles from the Knot! =)

source: The Knot

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

personalized pre-nup sneakers

on our birthdays (Dec13 for me, Dec.26 for James). (one of my closest friends gifted us with two pairs of personalized sneakers for our prenups. Definitely one of the sweetest surprises ever! (super super thanks Tin!) what made them even more special was that they were actually made by another friend of ours. :) (thanks Jobo and Jen!)

an even more special feature of these sneaks: when you put James' left shoe with my right one side by side, it would read: IN LOVE WITH MAAN. while the other side says: I LOVE JAMES. love it! :)

and here they are:

So anyway, I must have been so dazed with the preps last December that I didnt know they've actually opened up a business and have been selling these shoes for quite some time now. hahaha. through Tin, I was able to confirm that they are still currently accepting orders. so for those interested, you can drop by Jobo's site (click on the link) and leave a message or you can email Jen: jenjen0329@yahoo.com.

I know their Multiply says for now they only accept orders from people living in the South. Please clarify this with either Jen or Jobo as I wasnt able to ask them about this. :)

here are some of the other shoes they've done:

happy preps you guys! :D

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-